2021; A Year of new beginnings

2019 was the year I was balling like a champ all the way in Owerri, I had finally gotten the job I dreamed of, despite the salary being small and I had professionally started my filmmaking career.

When 2020 came, I had so many expectations, maybe direct my first feature film or a short movie, anyone would have been great. But if only I understood my nightmares were about to begin starting with the man I was meant to marry.

I got engaged in 2018 after being introduced to this guy by a family friend, it was a whirlwind relationship, no much time to properly court and he didn’t live in Nigeria. Barely a week after our engagement, he returned to Europe due to his job.

In 2019, we could only communicate via phone, and let me tell you, it was a disaster, we couldn’t see eye to eye on anything. People including my mom attributed our issues to distance but my heart knew otherwise, he wasn’t the man for me.

You know when your heart keeps warning you about a particular person, it was like that for me. Our conversations confirmed this. He and I were parallel lines that would never meet.

In 2020, he came back and we had the most intense argument on everything. He made rules that I wasn’t comfortable with. After a back and forth, we decided to end things and for the first time in a year, I felt relieved.

He wasn’t bad but I wasn’t the person he wanted as a wife. I was too liberal for him, he hated women wearing trousers, I hated skirts, he hated wigs, I loved them.

The hilarious part of it all was his beef with Facebook, he believed the app was made by the devil. Considering what we learn about Mark Zukerberg every day, I am tempted to side with him on that.

However, my peace was didn’t last long as the COVID sent us into Lockdown. Oh, I had gotten a job before then having quit the one in Owerri thanks to my ex-fiancee, so I was to work from home.

However, that lockdown reminded me of the reasons why I ran all the way to Owerri; to avoid living with my mom.

My mom is a great woman, overprotective of her kids but just like me, have scars that need healing. I feel she has refused to face the aftermath of the trauma she went through earlier in her marriage, something I didn’t realize affected me when I was about to go into one myself.

During the lockdown, we fought over silly issues but the elephant in the room was my failed engagement. The issue dealt more blow to her than it did to me. I guessed she wasn’t too pleased I was relieved calling it off.

My mental health took a nosedive as I buried myself into my work and junk food, shut out friends, and isolated myself.

My phone only had one purpose, to be used as a Wifi hotspot, apart from that, everything could burn for all I cared. I became this numb zombie and didn’t realize this until Lockdown was called off.

The day my boss announced the resumption date, I took a good look at the mirror and couldn’t recognize myself. I had gained extra pounds, hair was entangled, and my face was almost covered in acne.

It didn’t take much for me to realize that I was down the rabbit hole and was going to sink further if I didn’t get help quickly.

Fast-forward to 2021, I am on a low cut, still battling acne, healing from depression, and finding my footings.

Despite my losses and issues, I do have my wins, I am still working, socializing a bit with friends, and preparing to enter the Film Industry fully.

And oh, I co-directed my first short film in 2020, guess that counts for another win.